The Narnia of Essex

- STA World Traveller Internship update

It's been a busy few days, to say the very least.

I've had possibly less sleep than Jack Bauer and I've been almost as action-packed, although, off course, a little less dangerous.
Last weekend I ran around my home town in Essex much like an inadequate athlete, with a tripod, and the odd mate, to film my STA final video - I am now in the top ten of this crazy internship competition and it's getting very exciting.


As I filmed my video I had people chanting at me from the street as I attempted to down a local oyster - truth be told there were two, and I threw the first one up, of which I went to put in the bin, but managed, somehow, to drop on the floor. And much like Britain's Got Talent people cheered, and jeered, from all around, like a mob - I should point out a nice one. Furthermore, it was rather strange being clapped when I finally popped the local seafood 'treat' down, but I guess I can say it's an accomplishment and at least it stayed down.


I also cut my foot rather badly getting into the boat in one of the last shots, and the saltwater made the cut look like I had been the victim of GFH (grievous foot harm), in-fact I believe it was damaged on an oyster on the muddy beach, which was probably intent on getting revenge on the death of it's family member eaten/thrown up earlier on. This foot-related damage, by the way, was painful.


Further to this, I acquainted myself with many a local I didn't know: Bruce, "I like anything with speed in it", is a highlight for me. I literally flagged him down off the water, and he later said I could come out sailing with him anytime: legend. He has sailing videos of him losing "man overboard" on youtube apparently!
I also tested many a local ale as part of my Essex exploration, and for free: what a good surprise that turned out to be.


And well, I think I should explain my Narnia theme: basically I live in a cupboard in my student house, and often a casual guest in my home refers to my pad as the boiler room. It's not that bad, but people often don't realise this 'place' is actually my accommodation. More precisely one individual once looked into my room and said it was like opening the door to Narnia, hence my exploration of this idea in my hometown, because Burnham is essentially the Narnia of Essex, and not necessarily something people may expect to find from a county with a generally unfavorable image.


So anyway, here's my final video and if you like what you see, you may well not, vote for me here (thanks):





If you would like to purchase one of the modeled shell suits, the local charity shop in the above featured town is a fantastic place to grab a one-piece - I tried to film inside this second-hand haven but I was not allowed.

Right, must dash, I've got a meeting with the devil/dissertation, and I currently have very little to discuss.

My first time on skis

30/03/2010 (It's been a busy few weeks)

This will be explained:

Last weekend, on the rainy Saturday, a 'good' friend of mine informed me he was going to test out his new skis on the dry slope just a short drive away from where we study in Bournemouth.

After telling me his plans, he enthusiastically suggested that I join him on skis, which now seems a rather spontaneously naive idea considering I had never tried out this activity before, and he has a dark sense of humour.

Granted I've snowboarded for a while now, but like Luke Skywalker, I've been trying to resist the dark side of the piste planet, but the mate in question, David Row, or for this event, Darth Vader, thought it was the best idea he had had in along time.

Now I know why.

As we arrived at the slope in the pouring rain I came to the realisation that I am neither a fan of these rather steep, hard slopes, or that it was the best idea for me to test them out; having never skied before. Dave, however, was less concerned:

"You will be absolutely fine," he said, "I'll give you all the tips you need."

Too be fair his motivational skills did have me believing I was going to become some sort of downhill Olympic champion (Bode Miller in-fact if you watch the video further down) - off course this did not happen.

The turning point I think was when we queued up to pay for the ski gear and the lady at the desk asked: "Tick here to confirm you are a competent skier and you can manage to get up and down the slope without any problems."

With Dave digging in my back like some sort of bank robber I ticked, my hand slightly shaking at the thought of signing away my dignity.

Then, after putting my skis on I waddled much like a constipated penguin along to the mid-way point of the hard slope, again being willed on by Darth/Dave. As I reached the precipice of my downhill adventure, I turned around to Darth for the vital advice I needed to begin my skiing career and make it down the slope safely. But Dave was smiling rather weirdly, clearly holding back chuckles from his grimacing face, and as I pestered him for pointers he proceeded to push me along; nearer and nearer to the slope.

"You're going to be good at this," he had announced as we left the safe compounds of the centre. I was less confident.

In no uncertain terms I assured him this wasn't going to be a success in less he gave me some clearer instructions.

Before I knew it I was 'blasting' down the track like Usain Bolt, but with no idea how to stop, and although I can't deny the extreme adrenaline rush I felt, shooting through the yellow inflatable piste barriers into the children's sledging area on just my second run was not a highlight.

As I looked up Dave was on the floor - no, unfortunately he hadn't fallen over, he was in hysterics.

"Now go to the top," he attempted to shout through increased laughter.

I knew what he had in mind and I was going to prove him wrong. So I bravely tackled the button lift and hitched right to the top of the slope; a place, which for first-timers, is a bit like a sweet shop for the overweight - you shouldn't be there. And I knew it.

But I was on a one-way mission to master these two obstacles attached to my feet - forget the beginner bandwagon, like 50 Cent, I wanted to pimp that piste.

So I launched myself off the top, rather apprehensively, and I began to 'ski' down.

In an effort not to look too amateur I decided to straight-line the piste area, which, consequently, did not go down particularly well with the instructor at the bottom.

As I reached the man in the official jacket he told me rather sternly that should I do that again I would not be allowed back.

In my mind I'd made rather good work of a bad situation, however I did then decide to call it a day.

I went up to Dave smiling, and then winded him in the stomach with a ski pole - we are still good friends but next time I'm getting an instructor.

In-fact we're going on the university ski trip soon and I've suggested he try out snowboarding for the first-time, because as we all know, revenge is sweet.

For proof of this event here is this video...my face may confirm the fact we had been out the night before: