The Biggest Loser: me

Something strange happened last night, I can only say I must have been sleepwalking hungry, after a rather early night.

Alas, The Biggest Loser (Mondays, 9pm), ITV1's recently primetime-promoted and jazzed up weight loss war against the fatty sprang up on the television and didn't cease to disappear for quite a while longer.

Think X Factor, but beefed up, literally. There's no live audience yet, but I expect that'll come in series 3 with a host of famous ex-lards worth at least one billion dollars:
"He's sold a trillion weight loss DVDs in Japan, and NOW he's here live in the studio to perform his latest WORKOUT to Celine Dion's MY HEART WILL GO ON."
Yes, we're talking about a sinking ship - the Beached Whale routine will come "ON NEXT WEEK'S SHOW", from another famous suctioned celeb.
At this stage I'm imagining the voice of David Lamb from Come Dine With Me, although, maybe that's a tad too ironic.

They're already half way there with the set, sort of - predictably oversized scales coinciding with a 'dazzingly' studio, which, coincidentally looks like it's been stolen from the Dancing On Ice ring. I imagine the dynamic structure was used as a task for the contestants to lose weight:

"GET ON THE ICE AND PULL THAT -123°C BACKDROP TO STUDIO 4." Because, after all, it's an ITV reality show, and it's got to be EPIC.

And well much like the singing talent show, I was expecting 'heart rendering' stories, but there's always next week: "Last summer, I collapsed on my dog, and he had to have heart surgery (visuals cut to image of dog with bandage around head)."

It's not long before we are reminded of the seriousness of the situation with a Clint Eastwood line, sorry, I mean quote straight from the heart :
“My life’s at stake here. If I leave here I’m a dead man walking”, says one male contestant as overweight viewers around the country panic about how they will survive without being on this show.

And then there's fitness guru to the people 'Davina Macall' presenting, and looking particularly concerned. Not because she's worried, but because her eyebrows appear to be plucked for a Star Trek audition. Think Spock, adressing his Enterprise crewmates after an expedition to earth and a miguided day trip to McDonalds.

Davina seems caring, at first, when asking one contestant, probably called Jan, to choose whether her or her friend leave the 'competition' after losing the least weight:
"Are you alright?" Davina says.....approx 3 second wait..."You've got ten minutes."

Primetime, it's a brutal world - whether you've had a gastric band fitted in Cuba or not.

The main problem with the show is 'The Biggest Loser' title and the repetition of the words regularly during the show. I'm sure the producers high fived with joy when they came up with such a pun. Yes, someone will lose the most weight, but surely there's that niggling bit of doubt in the winner's head about their cool factor (0).
They are, after all, The Biggest Loser.

Because for these contestants it's rather unlikley Simon will be on the phone with a 5 mill record deal, or OK! with their first photo shoot. They could join the post Christmas DVD fitness money-makers, but they'll have to fend of Davina for that market.