"Enjoy her! She's a perk"...What lecturers should probably keep to themselves.

Posted: Wednesday, 23 September 2009 | Posted by Harry Harris | 0 comments


"Enjoy her! She's a perk."

Surprisingly these 'wise' words, were not thrown about between 50 Cent and Snoop Dog, at a P-Diddy party, nor at The Playboy Mansion. 
They are in-fact spoken by an academic. Not about a company car, but about university students, of the female variety. 

"...girls fantasise," he says, referring to students in America who go after 'the campus sports star'. 
But here:
"On an English campus, academics can be heroes." 
Sorry?

The slogan of a certain T.V advert springs to mind: "Those who can. Teach," but after this publication it may not just be those that 'can' teach but some who will 'try, try, try' in-order to have more luck with the ladies. That is, the intellectual kind.

Remember, The Sun's readers have their page 3's but the more sophisticated of the educational world apparently hit the lecture hall for their hot-tottie; where looking out upon all those eager-to-learn young ladies is basically the same as a lap-dancing club......

This boys and girls, is Terence Kealey, Vice-Chancellor of Buckingham University speaking:

"Yup, I'm afraid so. As in Stringfellows, you should look but not touch."

Sorry, but generally, those at the front-row are of the dreary dictaphone type (vast generalisation). I mean you need the binoculars to hit the female hierachy of the back seats.

But these are "normal girls" he's talking about, and old Terence seems an expert on the female species. Perhaps a bit of a 'lad' in his hay-day (put a pair of thick-rimmed glasses on him now and he's look like a posh Harry Hill)

His words:

"Normal girls - more interested in abs than in labs, more interested in pecs than specs, more interested in triceps than tripos - will abjure their lecturers for the company of their peers..."

Sorry to interrupt Sir Terrence, but are you trying to talk hip; it's generally quite 'normal' for us young to 'hang' out with each other. Maybe you should watch skins, it's not revolutionary. 

Wait it gets better: 

"....but nonetheless, most male lecturers know that, most years, there will be a girl in class who flashes her admiration and who asks for advice on her essay. What to do?"

GIVE HER A 2:2.  Remember not every male, or female, university pupil has the pick of the bunch. Leave some for us, Terence, you stud.

The man definitely seems to have an educational fantasy, but surely ladies don't dream over Derek the biology academic, or Henry the History hob-knob.
Do they?
Although it is true on my own course there is a Politics teacher the girls talk of - he's probably got a lot of money. 

And, if your dad's a teacher, shield your eyes:

"She doesn't yet know that you are only Casaubon to her Dorothea, Howard Kirk to her Felicity Phee (he's showing his age here I think, no idea who these people are), and she will flaunt her curves. Which you should admire daily to spice up your sex, nightly, with the wife."

Is he joking? It's hilarious either way.

The question really is: what will the students be thinking as he addresses them for a speech?
..."Is he looking at me Sandra? No Debbie, I think he's eyeing up the librarian reps on the front row."  

Looks like the mere male students, such as myself, will need to up our game. 

*Mr Kealey has responded to criticism of his article on Lust here

Blowing up love bombs! Political News turns very Harry Potter

Posted: Monday, 21 September 2009 | Posted by Harry Harris | Labels: , , , , , , , , , 0 comments

Political news headlines are almost as confusing as the people trying to lead our country.

Here's a tongue-in-cheek take on recent news involving all things MP-orientated.

Randomly, here's a selection of new Harry Potter film titles. 

In-fact they are political news headlines -for the realistic version of events click the link under the story summary:

The Guardian

'Nick Clegg must blow up David Cameron's love Bombs'

The favourite to lead the country after 2010 is such a charmer: David Cameron's been using nuclear love potions to woo Nick Clegg's high-flying wife. Very fantastical. Actually, it must be that he's using a nuclear love potion to woo Lib Dem supporters. 

 'Lib Dems spurn Cameron's olive branch'

 What? Cameron's been growing an olive tree to save money in the recession and now he's offering it out to Lib Dems. And they don't want any olives? Ungrateful pips the point.

I think the Lib Dems will find it's very hard to get an allotment these days and grow-your-own is all the rage. Maybe an olive tree's a bit too posh for the them, I did hear Clegg was more into his cactus. 

  The Independent:

 'Tories fail the 'under a bus' test'

 Blimey, has it got that desperate!? They're power-possessed, they really are. There's no need to start sacrificing MPS in order to steal headlines. Has George Osborne ever even got on a bus before? 

The term 'under a bus' also summons up an action sequence image of which is all a tad James Bond, therefore too cool: this is politics. 

 Now to Timesonline:

'Government warned of quango bungling last year'

This is very worrying. It's taken Labour too long to highlight how this ancient rural tribe of Quangos have been invading bungalows across the country. Lock up your one-floor houses; quangos maybe in for the chop, but for now, it's all talk.  

BBC News Website:

 'Osborne: Brown misled MPs on spending'

Misled? This is not North Korea George. Go have a look at Iran and then stop using this word so casually.

The story is actually in relation to an accusation of lying leveled at Gordon Brown:

 

Finally, on a rather unusual headline, there's something very worrying reported at Timesonline:

 

 'Jack Straw calls for heroin on the NHS'

 Surely not.

 Everyone will be walking around completely, and utterly out of it. 

"Sorry Doctor I'm feeling a bit lazy, got any ecstasy?"

Let's just hope these MP's don't go private and start claiming for it on their expenses. 

So the laws on assisted suicide could be changed...well, well...



In light of recent news that assisted suicide guidelines could be changed, here is piece I wrote earlier this year on the subject. It evolves around an interview with Dr Nitschke, otherwise know as Dr Death, who toured Britian giving suicide talks. There is also opposing comment from his former colleague Dr Micheal Irwin, as well as from a Chaplin in an area which Nitschke visited for it's 'older demographic'. [Photo]Dr Nitschke, dubbed 'Dr Death' by British media.



Dr Philip Nitschke, dubbed Dr. Death by British media.


Thirteen Years ago in the Northern territory of Australia a legal and lethal voluntary injection was administered to end the life of a terminally ill patient. This was carried out by Dr Philip Nitschke, the first doctor in the world to administer a doctor assisted suicide within the law. Under the Terminally Act of the Northern territory four more people voluntarily died, but a year later, in 1997, it was made illegal. 
“We saw the benefits to our society when those laws were in place," Dr Nitschke said after his recent euthanasia ‘promotion’ tour of Britain. In fact considering the media circus surrounding his visit it was surprisingly easy to contact him, and his openness, such as stating the reason for going to Bournemouth is because of it’s elderly population, is perhaps his downfall.

 With a strong Australian accent, “G’Day” starts our conversation, Nitschke, dubbed ‘Dr Death’ by the British media, was born in the rural south of his home country. His quite radical views, however, are far from the traditional values associated with outback folk.
“I would like to see legislation which will allow people under strict conditions, if satisfied by strict criteria, to get help to obtain a lawful end of life,” he states in a defiant, uncompromising tone. 
The Australian physician runs the pro-euthanasia organization Exit International, and promotes a drug sold legally in Mexico, called Nembutal, and an “exit hood” which can be filled with a lethal amount of helium. 

This open approach to suicidal methods has also left him in a wake of criticism. Dr Nitschke’s former colleague, Dr Michael Irwin, former Chairman of the Voluntary Euthanasia society, spoke from Cranleigh, Surrey where he still campaigns for right-to-die causes. In the past, Dr Irwin insists they were “good friends,” but now Irwin accuses Nitschke of being “totally irresponsible.” When asked about the Australian’s tour of his home country, the doctor who now campaigns for Friends at the End attacked the easy-access style of the meetings. 
“He says the information is for people who are over 50, or are seriously ill, but the information he provides, like where to get Nembutal, and also this awful process of helium gas and exit hoods, could be so easily abused.“ 
The former Medicial Chairman of the United Nations launched a global campaign in the 1990s with Nitschke to legalise doctor assisted-suicide for terminally ill patients. Today, they are not on speaking terms, although Dr Irwin still takes patients on trips to Switzerland and has strong pro-euthanasia beliefs. 
“Where there is a mentally competent adult involved who has either a terminal illness or who is very severely disabled, in those situations I think it is essential that people have the option of a quicker exit by means of voluntary euthanasia or doctor-assisted suicide.” 
But, he added, in a stern, lower voice, there could be severe problems if methods promoted by Dr Nitschke are used for the incorrect reasons. 
"The wrong person, someone that’s just very depressed or someone who wants to bump of their Alzheimer’s wife might get hold of this Nembutal and use it in a discreet way."
 In Bournemouth, where Dr Nitschke visited just over two weeks ago, the seaside resort renowned for it’s retired population, saw a media furore more in line with the arrival of a major pop star. 
At the meeting, held in the Britain’s only gay naturist hotel, Nitschke says it was “hard to say” how many people were there but it was between “50 and 100”, a broad estimate, he claims, due to the large amount of media representation. But clearly there’s an audience who want to hear what he has to say. Perhaps, however, one of the reasons there was resentment in the town, was because Dr Nitschke announced his visit was due to the “demographic,” referring to the high number of elderly residents, but, the Australian physician raises his voice at the suggestion of ‘targeting.’ In his defence, with the business plan of an Apprentice contestant, he states it would be “silly” to provide a service where people don’t want it.

 The business side of the tour is what concerns Sharon Hartwell, a female chaplin in the costal town, who looks confused in her multi-faith chaplinancy in Poole as she initially overlooks her religious stance. 
“I think the danger is he has some kind of financial interest in it and whenever there’s some kind of external interest, other than the exact good for a person, you’ve got to be slightly suspect.” 
The religious objection is clear, euthanasia involves the help of someone else to die and the church is against this, but Mrs Hartwell was clearly intrigued. 
“I didn’t go. I nearly went to it,” she says after a long hesitation, and with a frowned brow. A brief silence ensues as she looks towards her window and the farm animals in the field behind, and then, she leans forward.
"It’s a bit like putting your cat or dog down isn’t it. The other argument is that it’s quite fine to put your cat or dog down but why can’t we put people down, and if you’re a Christian I would say people are different to animals because we’ve got hopes, fears, and aspirations, whereas animals just live in the moment.” 
The Chaplin describes her brother-in-law who tried to commit suicide but was caught, and is now “happy” with two children and a wife, hence the reiteration of her belief that ‘we only know how we are feeling at the moment and we don’t know what it’s going to be like in the future.’ As Mrs Hartwell continues, she shuffles uncomfortably in her swivel chair, continuing to highlight the “anxiety” and “guilt” involved when a person helps someone else die, and this, she says, is why God is there to make these hard life and death decisions for us. The bible says we are made in the image of god and therefore we are creative and are able to do all sorts of things. In contrast, the non-Christian, atheist belief, comes from a tradition where there is no God and there is no after life. After discussing this, Hartwell sits up and announces: “Who cares, who are you accountable to. Why does it matter? It all depends on you’re ethical point of view.“ 
Dr Nitshke said in response to the religious objection, including several highly strung negative comments from local priests around Britain, that he didn’t have a problem with people sharing different beliefs but they shouldn’t impose them on others. 
“I wouldn’t want someone who has got a different moral and ethical system in place to the one I adhere to, to come along and tell me I can’t have what I want. They can do what they wish but they should let me.”