"Enjoy her! She's a perk"...What lecturers should probably keep to themselves.

"Enjoy her! She's a perk."

Surprisingly these 'wise' words, were not thrown about between 50 Cent and Snoop Dog, at a P-Diddy party, nor at The Playboy Mansion. 

They are in-fact spoken by an academic. Not about a company car, but about university students, of the female variety. 

"...girls fantasise," he says, referring to students in America who go after 'the campus sports star'. 

But here:

"On an English campus, academics can be heroes." 

Sorry?

The slogan of a certain T.V advert springs to mind: "Those who can. Teach," but after this publication it may not just be those that 'can' teach but some who will 'try, try, try' in-order to have more luck with the ladies. That is, the intellectual kind.

Remember, The Sun's readers have their page 3's but the more sophisticated of the educational world apparently hit the lecture hall for their hot-tottie; where looking out upon all those eager-to-learn young ladies is basically the same as a lap-dancing club......

This boys and girls, is Terence Kealey, Vice-Chancellor of Buckingham University speaking:

"Yup, I'm afraid so. As in Stringfellows, you should look but not touch."

Sorry, but generally, those at the front-row are of the dreary dictaphone type (vast generalisation). I mean you need the binoculars to hit the female hierachy of the back seats.

But these are "normal girls" he's talking about, and old Terence seems an expert on the female species. Perhaps a bit of a 'lad' in his hay-day (put a pair of thick-rimmed glasses on him now and he's look like a posh Harry Hill)

His words:

"Normal girls - more interested in abs than in labs, more interested in pecs than specs, more interested in triceps than tripos - will abjure their lecturers for the company of their peers..."

Sorry to interrupt Sir Terrence, but are you trying to talk hip; it's generally quite 'normal' for us young to 'hang' out with each other. Maybe you should watch skins, it's not revolutionary. 

Wait it gets better: 

"....but nonetheless, most male lecturers know that, most years, there will be a girl in class who flashes her admiration and who asks for advice on her essay. What to do?"

GIVE HER A 2:2.  Remember not every male, or female, university pupil has the pick of the bunch. Leave some for us, Terence, you stud.

The man definitely seems to have an educational fantasy, but surely ladies don't dream over Derek the biology academic, or Henry the History hob-knob.

Do they?

Although it is true on my own course there is a Politics teacher the girls talk of - he's probably got a lot of money. 

And, if your dad's a teacher, shield your eyes:

"She doesn't yet know that you are only Casaubon to her Dorothea, Howard Kirk to her Felicity Phee (he's showing his age here I think, no idea who these people are), and she will flaunt her curves. Which you should admire daily to spice up your sex, nightly, with the wife."

Is he joking? It's hilarious either way.

The question really is: what will the students be thinking as he addresses them for a speech?

..."Is he looking at me Sandra? No Debbie, I think he's eyeing up the librarian reps on the front row."  

Looks like the mere male students, such as myself, will need to up our game. 

*Mr Kealey has responded to criticism of his article on Lust here.